I’ll tell you exactly how to get an A, but it will make no sense. Trust yourself.

I could hardly hear my own professors when I was in university over the din and roar of my own fears.

Those who aim for As don’t get as many As as those who abandon the quest for A’s and seek knowledge, wonder, or curiosity.

I hate citations. I’m super-organized and never get it perfect.

I desperately needed A’s when I was in university because I didn’t know what else I was besides an A.

Our flaws make us human; steer toward yours. I steer toward mine. That won’t always be rewarded in “the real world.”

“The real world” isn’t the real world.

I realize as the authority figure I might trigger all kinds of issues you have. I have a problem with authority figures & I’ve learned how to work with it. Watch my cues.

Forget about commas. Gove slow and attend to your moments where pauses and breaths give way to moments of rest in the blur of life’s machinery.

I appreciate what I call “intentional observation” or “the conscious application of a thinking strategy when looking at a new situation requiring analysis.” I hope you can make eye contact with one member of the teaching team. or another person in this course.

One of you who is filled with rage for this class right now will end up loving it by the end.

One of you who believes this class makes no sense will drive me nuts.

Someone who drives me nuts, likely, will end up being my favourite.

One of you will drive me bat-shit crazy and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Later I will examine the reason you drive me bat-shit crazy and be ashamed and then try to figure out my own limitations. There are always limitations; without my students, I do not see as easily.

I hope you can drop the facade of professional behaviour and settle for being a person.

I love teaching because it is hard.

Secret: I manage my mental health because I’m mental.

Secret: I get nervous before each class because I want to do well.

Secret: When I over-plan it doesn’t help in this asynchronous environment.

Secret: I must plan first and THEN abandon the plan while still remembering its outline.

Secret: Breathing is hard for me.

Secret: Time management supports self-management.

Secret: I want to model Willie Wonka. Unpredictable, not always nice, high standards, and candy.

What looks like candy can be dangerous.

Secret: Every single one of your professors and teachers has been at a point of crisis in their lives where they had no idea what the fuck to do.

Come talk to us. Avoid the thin line of bullshit because believe it or not, we see through you like windowpane.

A balanced argument doesn’t weigh two sides equally. It weighs the strongest evidence more heavily. Critical thinking isn’t about representing every view. It’s about recognizing your biases and giving serious consideration to facts that contradict your hopes and beliefs.

Some of you will feel lost or at some point be lost because other people would pack your lunch, and empty your backpack for as long as you can remember. That all ends here. There’s no one to empty your backpack. That’s why university is great and scary.

Maybe no one has ever emptied your backpack. If that’s you, I know it will be more challenging feeling entitled to come talk to us or ask for help. I want you, especially, to come talk with us.

You can write in first person.

You can swear in my course.

Welcome.

YOU BELONG HERE.

I hope you laugh and surprise yourself.

* thanks to sonya huber for some of these shadows.

LIPTON’s PLEDGE

I swear to fulfill, to the best of my ability and judgment, this covenant: I will respect the hard-won scientific gains of those professors in whose steps I walk, and gladly share such knowledge as is mine with those who are to follow. I will apply, for the benefit of all learners, all measures that are needed, avoiding those twin traps of information glut and educational nihilism. I will remember that there is art to teaching as well as science and that warmth, sympathy, and understanding may outweigh the exam results or the assigned grade. I will not be ashamed to say, “I know not,” nor will fail to call in my colleagues when the skills of another are needed.

I will respect the privacy of my students, for their problems are not disclosed to me so that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. My role as an educator comes with awesome responsibilities that must be faced with great humility and awareness of my own frailty. I will remember that I do not teach disciplinary empires, or regimes of knowledge, but a human learner—and my work may affect the person’s family and economic stability. My responsibilities include these related problems if I am to adequately educate those who wish to learn.

I will protect the environment which sustains us, in the knowledge that the continuing health of ourselves and our societies is dependent on a healthy planet. I will remember that I remain a member of learned societies, with special obligations to all my fellow human beings. If I do not violate this oath, may I enjoy life and art, feel respected while I live, and be remembered with affection thereafter. May I always act so as to preserve the finest traditions of my calling and may I long experience the joys of education and life as a teacher.

@marklipton

RULES FOR BEING HUMAN

You will receive a body. You may like it or hate it, but it will be yours for as long as you live. How you take care of it or fail to take care of it can make an enormous difference in the quality of your life. You will learn lessons. You are enrolled in a full-time school called Life. Each day, you will be presented with opportunities to learn what you need to know. The lessons presented are often completely different from those you THINK you need.

There are no mistakes in these lessons. Growth is a process of trial and error and experimentation. You can learn as much from failure as you can from success. A lesson is repeated until it is learned. A lesson will be presented to you in various forms until you have learned it (as evidenced by a change in your attitude and behaviour), and then you can go on to the next lesson.

Learning lessons does not end. There is no stage of life that does not contain some lessons. As long as you live, there will be something more to learn. “There” is no better than “here”. When you’re “there” has become a “here”, you will obtain another “there” that will again look better than your “here”. Don’t be fooled by believing that the unattainable is better than what you have. Others are merely mirrors of you. You cannot love or hate something about another person unless it reflects something you love or hate about yourself. When tempted to criticize others, ask yourself why you feel so strongly.

What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. Remember that through desire, goal-setting and unflagging effort you can have anything you want. Persistence is the key to success. The answers lie within you. The solution to all of life’s problems lies within your grasp. All you need to do is ask, look, listen, and trust. You will forget all this. Unless you consistently stay focused on the goals you have set for yourself, everything you have just read will not mean a thing.

@marklipton

APPOINTMENTS WITH PROFESSOR LIPTON

I am sure by now you all know how late I can be, and this is due to my attempts to be sure that learner issues are dealt with with due diligence. I try to stay on schedule and sincerely try my best. I would appreciate it if you consider just bringing up one major issue at a visit. I don’t mind a couple of smaller things like prescription refills or shots at the same time but it is nearly impossible to handle multiple issues in a 20-minute appointment.

Please, if you have multiple issues, book a second appointment, and prioritize the issues you have. It is quite impossible to deal with a laundry list of problems in a 15-minute to 20-minute time frame, which is the time allotment for a standard appointment. If you feel you need more time, let the TEACHING TEAM know and they will try to accommodate your needs in the most feasible way. I routinely set out more time for more complicated problems. Learners with serious and complicated issues can take between 40 and 60 minutes. If I am late, it is because I am taking the time I believe necessary for the individual I am dealing with, and you will receive the same courtesy and consideration.

Thank you for your patience and compassion.

@marklipton